December 31, 2024

2024-Self-Exploration-Exercise

2024-Self-Exploration-Exercise

Key Events

January: NA
February: Paid AWS bill from bounty money
March: TCS IN & OUT
April: NA
May: Depression
June: Dental OUT
July: Infosys IN
August: Reported a bug
September: NA
October: Started my website
November: Infosys OUT
December: Back to Home

Milestones

  1. Getting into a full-time job (made me do nothing and become a slave to an organization)
  2. Won 1st Hackathon (added nothing)

Challenges

Settling somewhere where I don’t belong (at least that’s how I feel) — overcoming this attitude helped me make a decent life. (Money is everything, you know.)
Not letting new people into my personal space — I managed to somehow escape, but not a perfect escape, because everything compounded by time and my actions created some tough situations.
Being in a crowd — I overcame it partially by always reflecting on myself, thinking about others by just looking at them.

Relationships

They are just there.
I don’t actually care about someone who is temporary or permanent.
I actually stopped thinking about myself too.
It’s getting worse. I am not taking minimal care about people around me. Everybody around feels selfish and just seems to be there to make use of me or sympathize with me.

Professional Growth

It’s there… definitely, but it doesn’t align with what I dreamt. It actually made me numb. I can no longer dream big.
Anyway, it’s my first job — decent money to at least not regret life.

Looking Forward

I am okay with my life.
I think I am running far away from the reality I deserve.

Maybe it’s time to dream small — things that bring a little change to my life:

  • Work less, stress less
  • Meet new people
  • Feel the things around
  • Be grateful for what I have
  • Not care about pleasing people around

I want to feel okay.
I want to make people feel okay.

What's Wrong on the Last Day of the Year

I’m still managing things I committed to without saying no.
Too many commitments — less personal life.
I’m already feeling like I’m living somebody else’s life, and these things just make me depressed.

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